Sunday, September 30, 2012

The Old Me

        She was sure.  She knew without a doubt where she would be in the future.  Not only did she know that, but she knew exactly what it would take to get her there.  She had many dreams and many plans.  She was determined, and she had the drive.  She was not going to let anything stop her.  Life started coming faster with more responsibility, and she slowly started to forget her dreams.  The times of both tears and laughter came and went quickly, barely letting her stop to even think once about her dreams.  She started walking away from the dreams she once knew so well, as life changed and took her with it.  Walking away with joy and pain, she stands confused for the first time over the plans of her future.  Now, this fourteen-year-old girl, me, who has not a single clue about her future, misses her old self.  It’s so hard to say goodbye to a part of yourself.  You can’t live your life thinking that you won’t be changed by the experiences you face.  Life happens.  Yesterday is gone, and we have to keep moving on.  The page in my book keeps turning to a new chapter, and I can’t keep up with all of the things I see myself doing.

        I’m so thankful for that girl that was once a part of me, and I am blessed to have known her so well.  She will always be in my heart, and I will always remember what she taught me.  All of the good, bad, happy, and sad will be inside of me forever.  Never will I forget the times that this old self of mine shared with the new me.  I still don’t know where I want to be.  I don’t know how to work towards something I have yet to know about, but I know that there are open doors filled with opportunities ahead of me.  My question is if I have the ability and potential to grasp these opportunities and work for where I want to be, like I once did.

        I do know one thing.  I know that God has a bigger plan for me than I ever have and I ever will.  He can see it all at once right before His eyes of grace.  It is hard to say goodbye to something that means so much to you, but God has reasons for everything he does in our lives.  I will always remember.  I don’t think we are meant to forget the parts of us that bring us to where we are today.  Built with strength and dignity, I stand waiting for God to show me parts of His plan.  I am no longer afraid of the future; however, I am still confused.  All I need is the hope that God will bring me to what He put me here to do.  I trust Him.  He took away a part of my old self, replacing it with a stronger me.  He is powerful, and he can work wonders.           

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